Can't sleep

So I went to sleep last night around 11:30 pm, and woke up to the TV still on and Ryan snoring at 1:15 am, and couldn't get back to sleep. I figured if I got up and worked on the bookkeeping, that it would make me sleepy - but no such luck.

It's awful - 'cuz my eyes are burning, my body is tired - but my stupid mind won't stop going a mile a minute! It has been that way for days now. Normally I just lie in bed, trying to shut my brain up, toss and turn until morning. So tonight I did that for about an hour and a half, and finally just got up and came down to the office. It's 5:00 am now, and the alarm will be going off in about and hour and a half - and I am still nowhere near getting my head to quiet down.

What's so crazy is the stupid stuff my mind obsesses over. Like I'll get a song stuck in my head, and can't get it to stop replaying over and over; or I will replay my stupid moments over and over, trying new endings (not that I can go back and change it - so that's a real waste of brain power). Most of it is worry over my kids, and my failings as a mother and person.

Now I'm second guessing even posting this... but I guess that I should, because that is what I love about my friends blogs - they put it all out there, good and bad, crazy and sane, happy and sad. Maybe someone is up reading this, 'cuz they can't sleep either! If so, I'm sorry my friend, I feel your pain! :-)

Well, off to go rest my eyes and body - and pray that I might get a little sleep (since napping is a very rare treat with my schedule).

Emmie's Scholarship

So we found out tonight that Emmie was chosen for a $1000 scholarship towards her Ambassador Program. She had to write an essay and submit it with a complete application and her community and school activities. They had said they were calling the winners, and posting it on the website by end of business Feb. 8th. So when we didn't receive a phone call, and nothing posted to her account, we thought she didn't get it. Then tonight, I looked on her account, and there it was!! We were so excited! Ryan took Lucy out to get a cake, and came home telling Emmie it was for me, because I was having a rough day. He told Emmie to take it out of the box while he went to get me from the office - and much to her surprise, the cake said "Congratulations Emmie on your scholarship".

Scholarship - $1000
Cake to celebrate - $12.99
Emmie's reaction - Priceless

This was so awesome, because we were really worried that she wouldn't even come close to making it without scholarships. She is still babysitting, selling homemade hats, jewelry and flower hair clips, Razmatags fundraiser, etc. Slowly but surely she's chipping away at the cost of the trip.

Lucy's Surgery Date

We got a message on our machine while we were out today - Lucy's surgery is set for February 25th. They will be doing her pre-op stuff on Monday, February 21st. We will have more information then, and will keep everyone updated throughout the process. She is so amazing how she is handling it. Tonight, we talked some more about her hair being shaved, and she made jokes about it. We know she is nervous and scared, but she is so amazing!! We are so grateful to have her in our family, and love our dear Lucybug!

Mom Updated

OK, so some of you keep asking me about how Mom is doing. She is still waiting for a 4-phase ultrasound of her liver before we will have any new information. She was set up for an ultrasound, but then found out the day before that it was only a 3-phase, and had to cancel. That lab didn't do the 4-phase, so she is having her doctor refer her to a lab that does. As soon as we know anything new, I will blog and let you know. :-)

Emmie's Exciting News!!!

We have all been so caught up with Lucy and her surgery, that I haven't posted yet about Emmie. She was nominated to be a People to People Student Ambassador, representing the United States in Australia. We aren't sure who nominated her, a teacher or a coach.

The People to People Ambassador Program was started by President Eisenhower in 1956, in the hope that bringing young people together throughout the world, would bring about future global understanding and world peace.

After the referrals and interview, Emmie was accepted into the program. She will get to travel to Australia this July for 17 days. A few things she will be doing is going backstage at the Sydney Opera House, Snorkel on the Great Barrier Reef with a Marine Biologist, learning about the ecosystem, spend time with the Jawoyn people and learn ancient traditions of the Aboriginal people, meet with a member of Parliament in their meeting place, and learn of their governmental system, help meet a local need through a group service project, etc. I could go on - but it is a great educational opportunity for her (as well as a thrilling and fun adventure). She will receive college credit for it, helping her start early. She is so very excited.

The tough part (aside from letting our baby go so far away), is that she has to raise the money for her trip ($7,000). She has applied for a scholarship for $1000, and is applying for a few more. She is doing babysitting, getting business sponsors, and doing fundraisers. One of them is making these adorable flower hair clips (the ones that are popular now), and we have made over 200 so far. I will post a picture as soon as I take one and upload it.

Also, she is doing a Razmatags fundraiser. If you go to www.razmatags.com/?org=Emmie and place an order using the code: Emmie - at checkout, she will get earn 25% of each sale towards her trip. They are really cool tags - that are Personalized, Water-proof, Dishwasher-proof, Laundry-proof labels (for clothes, dishes, sports equipment - you name it) as well as luggage tags and other cool stuff. You just go online, place your order, pay, and they will ship it directly to you. So no matter where you live, you can get them!!

This is what we are starting with (I'm a little swamped right now with everything going on - so I can't take on more than this). So if you start getting emails from Emmie with her fundraiser ideas, please check them out and see if it is anything you can use.

Still Waiting for Lucy's date

We want to thank everyone for keeping us in their thoughts, hearts and prayers. I keep getting many emails asking the same questions, so I am going to answer them now. We still don't have a date for Lucy's surgery. We were told it would be in February, and we would know by now. I will call and bug them again on Monday. It was after months of careful consideration of all the options (waiting, chemo, clinical trial drug, etc). After we talked again with the Neurosurgeon, Dr. Boggan, at UC Davis (check him out on the web - he is amazing), we knew we needed to do the surgery. At this time, her brain has shifted functions to other parts of her brain, and is actually moving away from the tumor, creating a pocket. Also, the tumor has become encrusted with a growing cyst. So the risks of paralyzation are very low, and the chances of getting it all are very high, not to mention that the cyst itself could cause problems, and needs to be drained/removed. Of course, there are no guarantee's, and any surgery is risky, brain surgery not excluded. There could be tiny, microscopic particles that we cannot see, that would be missed and still pose a risk to go malignant and shorten her life span, but that's only a maybe, and can't be helped.
Lucy is so cute! We were fasting as a family on Sunday, and after church, Lucy walked out eating a piece of chocolate. I explained to her that just as we start our fast with a prayer, we need to say a prayer to close our fast, and ask for the confirmation we were seeking. I told her she could say a prayer in the van on the way home, and listen for an answer. Upon arriving home, all the kids were hungry, so we told them we would say a family prayer to close their fast. When I called Lucy in, she told me "It's OK Mom, you don't have to pray or fast anymore, because Heavenly Father told me to have the surgery". I asked how she felt about it, and she said she felt calm and happy about having the surgery. I explained that I was happy that she had a confirmation for herself, but we still needed to close our fast as a family. She didn't get it, since it was clear to her that she already had an answer. Our entire family had a peaceful feeling and confirmation to our prayers. We are so grateful for the gospel in our lives to guide us and give us peace during difficult times. We are also so grateful for such loving and abundant support from friends and family. Thank you!! I will post as soon as we have a date!

Tough Decision

Hello all. Well, I was waiting to blog this, so I could add detail - but time hasn't allowed for that. So here is the short of it. After much thought, research, talking to multiple doctors, etc... Ryan and I have decided to go ahead and let them remove one of Lucy's brain tumors. It is a huge decision, that we haven't taken lightly, and have done our diligence in studying it out before making the decision. At this point we told the surgeon that we wanted the weekend to pray about it, and we would let him know for sure on Monday morning. We have been praying, and will be praying and fasting tomorrow for confirmation from the Lord, to make sure it is the right decision. This was not an easy decision, yet we are still remaining very positive and confident that it is all in God's hands, and we can just love each other and be grateful for everyday we have together. May it be more than we hope for!